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Managing emotions

Emotions and feelings

You might hear people using the words ‘emotions’ and ‘feelings’. They mean slightly different things, and we try to understand them as:

Emotions – how we feel about something and how our body reacts. For example, if we experience fear, we might feel our heart beating faster or notice our hands shaking.
Feelings – how we experience our emotions and give meaning to them. They are different for everyone. For example, you might associate your hands shaking with feeling anxious.

The word feelings here is used to talk about experiences and how they affect someone. Sometimes feelings can be upsetting, scary or confusing – especially if someone is not sure why they feel the way we do.

Lots of things can affect the way someone feels, like:

Problems at home, school, or in relationships and friendships
Losing someone important
Confusion about identity, sexuality or beliefs
Big events or changes in life
Pressure from self or others
Feeling lonely or like nobody understands them
Feeling unwell
Being bullied
Being abused
Worrying about what’s happening in the world or on the news
Worrying about things they see on social media
Experiencing something traumatic or frightening

Tips to manage difficult emotions/feelings

Recognising your feelings is the first step towards understanding them and learning how to cope with them. It might feel difficult at first, but with time and practice, it will get easier. Here are some tips:

Download and fill in an Emotion Wheels resource (see link below). This can help you to name feelings that are hard to understand or describe.
Set aside time to check in with how you’re feeling. You could use a notebook, journal or your phone to write down your feelings.
Practise paying attention to your feelings in the moment. For example, how do you feel when doing something you enjoy? Or how do you feel when doing something you find difficult or scary?
Express your feelings creatively. You could draw, paint or try arts and crafts.
Talk to yourself like you would to a good friend. You could ask yourself: ‘Is this a new feeling?’ or ‘What does this feel similar to?’
Talking to someone you trust

Although it’s important to pay attention to your feelings and try to recognise them, you don’t need to do it all the time. Making time to relax and clear your mind is just as important for your wellbeing. Take as many breaks as you need.

Asking for help and support

As we get older, we go through lots of emotional and physical changes. We might experience a range of feelings from moment to moment, or day to day, and some can feel more difficult to manage. However, if the way someone is feeling, thinking or acting lasts for a long time, becomes difficult to cope with, or stops them from doing the things they enjoy, it might be a sign that they need more help. Here are some ways to get help with difficult emotions and feelings:

Think about how you can share your feelings with someone you know. You could talk to a friend or trusted adult. If you don’t want to talk or aren’t sure what you’re feeling, you could try writing a letter or drawing a picture.
Call a helpline to have a confidential chat with an advisor. Sometimes it’s easier to talk to someone you don’t know. For ideas on who to contact, see the list of useful contacts below.
Visit your doctor. Explore options for support.
Take some time to do something you enjoy or find relaxing