ADHD Information for parents

This information originally appeared in ‘ADHD Behaviour Assessment Service: Information for Parents about Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)’ booklet.

What is ADD/ADHD?

ADHD is not a new disorder; it was identified many years ago. Research has recognised how important it is to identify ADHD early, in order to help children understand their behaviour and to learn appropriate coping strategies. It is also important that parents and siblings have an understanding of ADHD as they will have to adopt different approaches when interacting with this family member.

The main features of ADD/ADHD are a short attention span, impulsivity and hyperactivity. However there are some children who also have poor co-ordination both in gross and fine motor skills.

Poor short term memory
Low self esteem
Appetite and sleep difficulties
Problems with peer relationships.

Each child/young person is an individual and therefore the difficulties he/shepresents with are unique to them. Thus the treatment offered will take this and the needs of the family into account.

There are many books, articles and useful websites related to ADD/ADHD. A book list and a list of useful websites can be found within this information. It is important that parents/carers understand the condition of ADHD properly and how you, as a parent/carer can play a vital role in helping your child or young person cope with any day to day difficulties related to their ADHD diagnosis.

ADHD Characteristics

ADHD is diagnosed when children are presenting with the difficulties listed below in more than one setting, for example home and in school. It is a complex disorder that is often seen in children with other problems such as specific learning difficulties, aggression and anxiety and sometimes in children with social communication problems.

It is important to see the disorder as a problem with developmental features rather than an illness. Many treatments are known to greatly improve your child’s difficulties and the treatments offered will be tailored to meet the needs of your child and family

Not all the following will apply to your child, but we have listed some of the features that are often present in children seen at ADHD clinics.

Features of ADHD

Your child may:

Find it hard to concentrate and persevere at some activities like writing or colouring.
Move from one activity to another without completing one.
Be unable to play for long or not enjoy playing with toys or games. They may prefer active games.
Often appear not to hear you when you speak to them and may often forget what you have asked them to do.
Have a short attention span.
Dislike “waiting” and will do anything to avoid feeling bored.
Constantly fidget, make noises, talks all the time.
Be easily distracted especially in class, talking, annoying or distracting other children.
Be easily distracted by others.
Be reckless, impulsive and prone to accidents.
Have problems settling for bed and /or getting off to sleep and/or may waken during the night or have early morning wakening.
Be a child who eats frequent small meals or, be a faddy eater.
Be socially disinhibited—lack normal caution and speak to total strangers even though you have warned them not to.
Lack social skills, appears unpopular with other children and have few or no friends.
May cry a lot and have a poor opinion of themselves and feel that no one likes them.

How to Help?

Behaviour management is crucial and is the recommended first line intervention. Parents can be offered sessions to help them develop additional skills and techniques to help them manage problematic behaviours associated with ADHD. It is not intended to suggest poor parenting but rather to build on their existing skills.

Parenting a child/young person with ADHD can be extremely challenging and it is important that the correct and most effective approaches are used. Parents may feel that they are being asked to attempt management strategies that they have tried unsuccessfully in the past. However, understanding the traits and behaviours associated with ADHD helps.

Parents need to be able to separate those behaviours that are part of their child’s ADHD condition and those which are normal childhood challenges. With a new approach parents often see a big difference in their child’s overall behaviour. However it is important to realise that change rarely occurs overnight and that often it will take a few months to see an improvement. Changing your parenting approach can be difficult for parents, so it is important to avail of any support services offered. Below are some pointers.

General Advice

Decide on what the rules and management strategies are going to be and be
prepared to stick to them.
Make sure that all the adults who look after your child agree how to handle their behaviour and do so in the same way. Consistency is everything!!!
Ensure that the child/young person is aware of rules and consequences. Make the rules age appropriate and understandable.
Stay calm, children with ADHD/ADD respond better when parents are calm.
Use goals to work towards. Charts and rewards are sometimes helpful.
If they need to be told off, make sure that the punishment is enforceable and fits the crime.
Remember children with ADHD often learn from what they see, or what happens to them. It is important to make sure your approach is one that you wish your child to learn!
Use “distraction techniques” to take their attention away when they are about to become cross about something. This is especially useful if the child is one who reacts intensely to situations he does not like.
Use warnings to change a situation, countdowns and timers often help introduce a change.
When they are calm, use this time to explain how you can help change difficulties together.

Additional Tips

Children with ADHD often get told off and as a result stop giving eye contact as a coping strategy.
Parents can help this by making sure that you give eye contact when you are saying something positive to your child and avoiding intense eye contact when you are telling them off. This can be difficult when you first try, but it is really important to do this before you can progress to gaining eye contact for instructions. Once good positive eye contact is obtained make sure you have your child’s attention before giving him any instructions, if necessary by gently holding their head.
Encourage listening skills and if appropriate check back what has been heard
Give clear messages when something has to happen, with warnings.
Keep instructions simple!
Work on improving concentration span, start with something they enjoy and expand on this.
Avoid too many distracting stimuli, especially at times when you want them to concentrate e.g. no TV at homework time.
Work on praise however small, this will encourage good behaviour and help self esteem.

Improve your Child’s Concentration Skills through Play

It may seem too simple, but it is a really good way of helping your child. Children with ADHD often rush through play and as a result don’t learn how to play well. Play is very important to children as it helps them learn about all aspects of life, how to interact with other people and so improve their social skills. Play can take many forms from imaginative play to educational play, it is important that they have the opportunity to benefit from as many types of play as possible.

Listed below are some hints and tips on how to encourage your child’s play and in turn improve their concentration.

Follow your child’s lead — let them chose what they want to play:

Pace the play at your child’s developmental level
Don’t compete you are an adult who has already learnt this skill.
Engage in role play and make-believe with your child
Laugh and have fun
Reward quiet play with your attention
Praise and encourage your child’s ideas and creativity, don’t criticise
Don’t give too much help, encourage your child’s problem solving skills
Tell them when you have enjoyed time with them

Remember: Ten minutes a day will help them learn through play!

Children with ADHD who are Emotionally Sensitive may:

Need a calm style of parenting/teaching to counteract their built in tendency to be impulsive and easily distracted. The most important action is for the parent to remain calm and consistent.
Benefit from lots of eye contact when they have done something well or when talking to them. However this approach should not be used if you are angry as this can make the situation worse.
Some children will stiffen and withdraw body contact, touching them when they are upset may worsen their behaviour. Just stand by and be available.
Focus on positive behaviour. Many of these children have a very poor self-image and negative comments reinforce this.
Remember sarcasm is very difficult for all children especially those with a sensitive temperament.
May need one to one quiet times, however ‘Time out’ does not work with children who are sensitive. They will have difficulty being away from you and need reassurance, that they are still loved.
Benefit from using the ‘we’ word helps enormously. It helps because it does not focus purely on the child e.g.; “we, do not do so and so”’ rather than “you do not do so and so”.

At home or at school when a particular child’s name comes up regularly it can reinforce their perception “that they must be bad” and the whole negative cycle starts again.

Benefit from the “one sentence rule”. Keep it simple!!
Respond better to the two choices rule:
1. What you want to achieve and
2. Something less exciting.

Often they cannot cope with too many choices and cannot make up their mind.

Children who are sensitive really dislike being confronted – they then usually say ‘no’. This is because:

1. They do not know how to do something or
2. They are afraid of failure.

Try to enable the child to say ‘I don’t know how. Please help me’. Rather than putting them in the position where ‘no’ is the inevitable response.

Children with sensitive temperament may forget messages. They can miss important information or instructions. They may go home from school with messages that are wrong, fragmented or misinterpreted. This can result in miscommunication and a daily communication book between school and home is often helpful.
It may help to give advanced notice about what is happening – for example, ‘we are finishing in 10 minutes.’ Non-verbal cues are also useful, such as clocks and timers.
Children with ADHD do not manage well in group activities such a team sports but many do better in a one-to one type sport e.g. running or swimming.

Children and young people may also present as less emotionally and socially mature compared to their peer group. It is helpful if parents are able to express to their child how they feel themselves. Expressing feelings about such as being proud, sad, happy is useful to the child, it can help them to cope. Also knowing what to do when they feel sad, frustrated etc is important. Useful suggestions for coping might include writing thoughts and feelings down, talking it out.

If a child feels valued, worthwhile, approved of and spent time with, he or she will feel loved and respected and have improved self-esteem.

Children who are emotionally sensitive can be difficult to manage. Seek support from family, partner or colleagues. Forgive yourself if you do not always get it right. It takes time. Do not forget to make time for you. Living with a person who has ADHD can sometimes feel like a roller coaster, some good times some bad.

Try to understand why problems may be happening and when they are resolved use this as an example of how to get out of difficult times.

Finally

This booklet was designed to provide parents with some understanding of ADHD and to give some ideas which could be used immediately to help your child. There are many problem areas for children with ADHD, friendships, classroom learning, safety, and the understanding of ADHD has to be adapted to the age of the child. Teenagers with ADHD often get into trouble and have difficulties with their peer group at a time when they are most sensitive to criticism this often requires careful handling and places more pressure on your skills as parents.

The rewards of having a child with ADHD are often overlooked. Spend time getting to know your child’s strengths and point them out to them and others as often as possible. Children with ADHD are often able, and creative they just need time to prove it!

Further Information

Parents may access additional information from the following websites:

Useful Reading for Parents and Young People

1 2 3 Magic/Effective Discipline for Children, Thomas W Phelan; Child Management Inc; US 3rd Rev Ed 2008.
1 2 3 Magic for Kids, Helping your Child Understand New Rules, Thomas W Phelan; Parent Magic Incorporated, Sept 2008.
Parenting Children with ADHD, 10 Lessons that Medicine cannot Teach; Vincent 2014 Monastra, PHD;APA Life Tools; 2nd Edition 2014.
My Doctor says I have ADHD, Dr C Yemula; Health Insights4U LTD,2008.
Zak Has ADHD; Jenny Leigh; Haldane Mason Ltd.